You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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