He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
