So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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