I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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