We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
