You smell like stripper and shame
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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