Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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