mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
