I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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