u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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