he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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