she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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