I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
