I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
