I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
