But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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