I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
