doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
