Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
false alarm, still single
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
