Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
