No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
