you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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