i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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