At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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