I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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