you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
