Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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