No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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