it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
