You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"