halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
