So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.