Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.