I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.