I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.