yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
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u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
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Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"