census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
