I never want to see another naked old woman again.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
