my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
either way he was missing a nipple.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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