I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
