Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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