I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My cat gives me a boner
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
