so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
