I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
