i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
