god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
