she was so not down for the gang bang
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
That reminds me...we need to get swords
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
