just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
