My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
