i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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