Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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