i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
