1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
