I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
