you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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