I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
