3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up