If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
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She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
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I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked