apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
whose parrot is this?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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