I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
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She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on