why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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