you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
