I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
