4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
