return my video game
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
