what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
