I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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