Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
