i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She bit a glass in half.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
