I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize