I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
