We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
