i permit you to call me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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