Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
