I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
