me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
