no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
