barbara walters just said penis...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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