i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
