There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
