Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
