We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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